I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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