either way he was missing a nipple.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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