franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i out mim tonsoeep
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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