Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need help removing her.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
