when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
