At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
