Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
