i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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