She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
