I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
