I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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