Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
