How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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