cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
