Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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