I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Girls should come with a carfax report
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
