Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
