i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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