TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I want a musical about memes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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