Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
