No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
