You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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