is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
