I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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