My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
