Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
