and you said cock pushups were impossible
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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