and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
