what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
