He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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