The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize