he was CRYING into my vagina
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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