I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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