You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
