It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
