That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
