YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
