You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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