eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize