If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
