So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My vagina just clenched in fear
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
