I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
