why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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