Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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