I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
