you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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