i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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