Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
