I just pynch a tree in the face
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love accidental penises.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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