She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
