Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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