What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
