Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Two words: blizzard sex
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize