dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
