Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
