Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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