I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
