Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
