I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
