my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
