we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
