the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
