I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
