it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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