This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
