Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
