She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My life is pants optional.
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