I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
