happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
