I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
