You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
