What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
